An IUD is a little plastic Y stick that is shoved into the uterus through the cervix. It is the worst pain that I have ever felt in my entire life. I don’t get my period or cramps when I have an IUD in. I will happily deal with thirty seconds of unimaginable pain for five years of no periods.
The nurses tease that they have a “high tech” milking kit. It’s a plastic bag with a plastic spoon and eye dropper. You hand express milk into the spoon and transfer it to the newborn like liquid gold that you’ve squeezed from the stones of your unresponsive dry nipples.
I actually have no idea what the Anesthesiologists terminal looked like. He maybe just had a nob. I just know he was watching me and every time my eyes fluttered closed I’d start waking back up again. I was fighting sleep because I thought I should probably be present for the birth of my child but damn a nap sounded amazing. The song that was on repeat was the Doubleclicks Apostrophe song.
They actually had me in loose restraints so I didn’t grab at all the cords they had attached to me, but towards the end I got a hand free because my face itched SO MUCH. I was reminded of one of Dave Chappelle’s characters.
